Final Exam

For our poli sci final at UC Irvine--the class was "Politics, Scandal and the Press"--I made my students write haikus. My students are rad.

Planes crashed in New York
Pentagon West Wing destroyed
Bush in bed by nine

Hey hey Jefferson
Ninety large in the freezer
Lone Dem to give in

I got gifts for you
Houses, cars, hookers and more!
Just vote for me, Duke.

National Guard sucked.
Dad said I'll be president.
Man, do I like Pabst.

Please help: It's still raining and I am cold
I would like to get off the roof and eat something
George Bush doesn't care about black people

Is Cheney dead yet?
Shoots his friends in their faces
Thought you were a bird

Cocaine's a hell of a drug
You say they fund terrorists
Negroponte who?

Oh poor Carol Lam
You shouldn't have done your job
Now you are laid off

I bombed Iraq for oil
but gas is damn expensive
I'm such a fuck up

Walter Reed scandal
Pee and poo on pillows too
Bush supports the troops

Hey there Iraq
It was good to know you
You care if we stay?

What does Mrs. Plame do?
I'm sure Mr. Libby knows
Tell us Libby please!

President Clinton
keep it zipped up my friend
cigar in your mouth

Yellowcake tastes sweet
although oil tastes much better
that calls for more war!

Oh Nielsey no
Mom would not be proud of you
F.D.I.C., thanks

I think I might be the best teacher ever.