Here's Today's Column!

Wherein I meet Marilyn Manson, slap the glasses off Andy Dick, and puke on a tree! (With some Haidl trial thrown in.) Some folks might call that a full night. I call it "Thursday."

Is It a Harmful Cheeseburger?

Via Kevin Drum, we have the best police dispatch call ever!

From a looneytune in San Clemente! I'd call and ask for comment, but I don't talk to San Clem polizei Bill Hunt; I talk only to The Sheriff.
And yes, the Sheriff and I are getting facials.

Crazies Steal Museum Fetus!

The LA Times has the story:

The preserved remains of a 13-week-old fetus, part of a traveling international exhibit of human bodies and body parts, was stolen from the California Science Center by two young women captured on videotape, police said Tuesday.

Damn. I still haven't seen Bodyworlds.

Slappy Mickadeit Gets the Story

Frank Mickadeit at The Orange County Register sits down with a member of the Haidl jury and gets walked through their deliberations. Read it.

Here's a gorgeous post out of Whiskey Bar

Via Kevin Drum:

The Circle of Life

A Very Mark Dery Easter

Mark on Ann Coulter:

While I and my hopelessly literary fellow travelers—the effete-snob neo-Marxists sapping this great nation's precious bodily fluids—trudge joylessly through the canon, the Elizabeth Bathory of the Sound Bite is light years ahead of us, on the cultural curve. Hey! Immanuel Goldstein! Pull your head out of the scriptorium and read the writing on the wall: We're living in a postliterate age, Grammatology Man.

I once heard him compare Martha Stewart to Elizabeth Bathory as well. "There was," he said, "a bit of the Blood Countess to her, a certain whistle of the whip."
Then he talked about anthropagi, which apparently means cannibals, which i didn't know at the time even though his lecture was about Hannibal the Cannibal and I thought I was following pretty well along.

Best Headline Ever!

"Sales drop sharply at Wendy's after finger found in chili"

The Very Reverend Lou Sheldon Sir!

The New York Times has--surprise!--caught the Traditional Values Coalition acting icky. We at the OC Weekly looove the Reverend Lou--we inducted him into our Orange County's Scariest People Bob Dornan Hall of Fame way back in 2001.

It was Sheldon who labeled the ACLU’s push to keep church and state separate a "jihad." And it was Sheldon who blasted the bishops of the Episcopal Church for imploring people to "wage peace." Yes! While pussies like Jerry Falwell were backing away from hateful comments about the attacks being caused by an angry God displeased that the U.S. had accepted the gay lifestyle, Sheldon, who espoused the same sentiments, has called any talk of peace "muddled thinking" that "will only encourage more terrorism . . . There is, says Solomon, ‘ . . . a time to kill and a time to heal.’ For America, it is a time to kill." <

I met the good reverend once, at a post-Republican-primary Unity prayer breakfast for Bill Simon I attended with my then-fiance, who was Simon's political director (we were all funky and bipartisan like that).
And all he wanted to know, once my fiance told him I wrote for OC Weekly was, "Hmm, so she probably likes gay people, huh?"
"Yes," Jimmy confirmed. "She likes gay people a lot."
Of course, so does Reverend Lou. They and their depravities keep him in mad style, a-ravin' and a-fulminatin' endearingly crazy-like.
If we didn't have the Reverend Lou to love, we'd have to make him up.

Also? Cathy's Against Torture! Who Knew?

Go ahead! See for yourself!

Cathy Goes to See Gingrich!

Cathy Seipp took her daughter to see Newt Gingrich this week. Sadly, while some crazies asked him about Terri Schiavo, nobody seems to have asked him about whether or not he'd have pulled the plug on the wife he served divorce papers to while she was in a hospital bed with cancer.
Oh, that Newt!

Fun With Museum Security!

Courtesy of NPR:

Dana, Dana, Dana

Dana Parsons of the LA Times has this to say this morning, regarding our dear Haidl Three:

"I can't imagine the judge ordering probation, but I think he should rule on the lighter end of the sentencing scale. Even that, however, should send a loud and clear message through "The O.C." teen scene and beyond.
And that message has to be: To girls who think it's cool or necessary to engage in promiscuous sex, think of Jane Doe.
And to boys who think "easy" girls are fair game for whatever sordid thoughts enter their minds, think of the three men being led out in handcuffs and now in fear of what's to come."

Let's pull that out for a moment, shall we?

To girls who think it's cool or necessary to engage in promiscuous sex, think of Jane Doe.

That was far, far better than Parsons' May 2, 2004, LA Times column in which he smeared an unconscious 16-year-old girl no less than four times while asserting that even if true, well, could the boys really have known it was wrong to gang rape an unconscious girl, seeing as how she was such a slut and all, and also she wasn’t wearing underwear?

Well, fuck me. I'm a slut!

Whoops!

Ah, new poll numbers from CBS, and they're worse for the President than ABC's were. Get this: 68 percent of white evangelicals are against reinserting "Terri's" feeding tube. And separately, 60 percent don't believe giving a terminally ill patient an overdose, at his or her request, is murder.

Ouch, Christ-ies!

GUILTY

Guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty.

Haidl Jury Is In

The jury's reached a verdict, and will be in at 1:15 p.m. More tonight.

The President's Polls

Nice to see that Rove et al. were able to divert public attention from the President's lousy poll numbers on Social Security by offering up instead the President's lousy numbers on Terri Schiavo. Well-played, Master Rove!

Recent stories! Stories by me!

Here, children, is a plethora of interesting and informative links--all to stories by me!

My hilarious and touching take on Social Security!

My bitchy musings on Ansel Adams!

My more interesting than it has any right to be Calendar for the week!

My contrarian (against myself!) art column on Saratoga Semblance!

My Calendar for last week!

Yet another column on the Christian Right (also hilarious!)

A food review about tea and ass!

And my write-up on Governor Schwarzenegger's tour of woefully middlebrow American eateries rocking on!

There. That's two weeks' worth. Now I can get back to handing in an art column every seven issues. Enjoy.

People, thanks to Beata (AGAIN!), we are back in action!

Posting to resume anon!

Love love love

Beccalou

Baby, baby, baby please!